"Lessons Learned"

Hannah’s “Lessons Learned” is a very pleasurable insight to a very quiet girl! I love that I literally don’t know anything about Hannah except for her parents living about four hours away and that she has a brother that just graduated. This piece gave great insight into some of her struggles, frustrations, and accomplishments in her college life thus far. I completely related to this story because I firmly believe that life is not fully lived without an animal companion, and having a pet ups a daily happiness level or just happiness in general. I can also relate to roommate issues; I think every girl ends up having drama with the girl(s) she lives with. On that note, I would have liked to know more about the serious issue of Jillian. Hannah mentions how great Jillian was to begin with, but then only touches on Jillian’s illness and Hannah’s fears of Jillian killing herself. These are very serious issues that need more explaining, if possible. Also, how did Hannah meet Aurie? I’d like to know why she is so great, how they met, etc. She obviously is important because Hannah’s struggles of finding a good roommate and living situation are non-existent due to this girl. A little more interaction between these two would be wonderful. Also, there are some parts that are more summary than scene. I would have liked to see more about the preacher and his wife that Hannah stayed with; they are also very important to the story but are not given much space on the page. I realize this story is about Hannah finding happiness through Cadence, and, essentially, herself, but also the relationships made and broken along the way is very, very important to the story.

"Large"

“Large” was a very intimate look at William’s friendship with a boy named Troy, who, despite falling out of touch every now and then, still remained close to William’s heart. I think the strongest characteristic of this memoir is the passion felt by the reader. I could completely feel how much William loved Troy, which is obviously essential in explaining the mark he had on William’s life, and still continues to today. While the title is a little vague for my liking, the opening paragraph is wonderful. The detail given made me feel as though I was looking at the picture the author was when writing this. However, there were mentions of Africa, although this is never explained. I would like to learn more about this because I do not know what furlough means. If it is mentioned in the first paragraph, I feel as though it should be picked up in later parts of the story instead of dropped off. One line struck me as awkward and I kept rereading it to perhaps not feel that way, but I think it needs revising. “…as he parted the sea of seersucker blue with his dark brown haircut.” I could see him parting this sea with his lumbering gait, or his loud steps, not a haircut. “Dark brown haircut” is not jarring enough to explain that this would part people in church. Reiterate how wacky the haircut was, or use a different description. I would have liked to feel more emotion when William explained he cried. He says he “crie[d] for [them].” This line is after talking about how happy he was with Troy being comfortable enough in their friendship to smoke weed in front of him. Why would you cry? If you still want this, explain why you’re crying and exactly what it makes you feel. Overall, a very moving piece, although I’d also like to see more of the interactions between William and Troy, as well as more dialogue, perhaps.

"Diamonds in the Rough"

“Diamonds in the Rough” started out, for me, a very promising story that ended in disappointment. I very much liked the beginning, although the first couple of sentences were a little over-written. I loved the description of walking through the cold with his mom and into the jewelry store; I think he very accurately portrayed a child. I especially loved the sentence, “Nobody had seen it happen so I decided I wouldn’t cry.” I literally laughed out loud as I read this, thinking about the theatrics of children and the stretches for attention they create. I had some very serious problems with this story, however. What is the title referring to? Humans? Ras and his brothers? His mother? It was confusing to me. Also, he adds in very serious tidbits about his family that are not explained, such as his brother Mathew not being his mother’s child and his mother being a flaw of nature. Either don’t add these very personal touches to this essay, or explain further. I’d like to know more about Ras’ family because the beginning is so personal. Also, is this a personal essay or a memoir? It starts of as a memoir but has random facts strewn in without any order or signification that it is a personal essay. There is no transition between facts and memory. The end killed the piece for me. He throws in a lot of opinion such as : “because you will never hear the end of it.” Is this from personal experience? When did this switch occur in the story? He went from description to seemingly complaining about diamonds and our culture’s outlook on them. Then he goes back to his mother again, but doesn’t explain his reasoning. I completely do not understand the last sentence. He is trying to stretch and make connections between scientific things, but when did we move from family to jewels to diamonds to snow to water to cremation? I am utterly confused.

"About Me"

Everette’s “About me” touched on many funny and serious moments in his young life. I successfully learned much about his mother, grandmother, and family life. I also liked how much insight into his thoughts at the time was given in the stories of the past. I had no idea he ran track, even for Auburn. He had some great specific descriptions such as “Tonka trucks” and the feeling of running track. I enjoyed getting to know a classmate better through this story. However, I had some very serious issues with this piece. First, I had a very tough time getting through the piece because of the serious grammatical errors. It was almost impossible for me to focus on the content with the grammar was so poorly written. Simple things like capitalizing sentences were not implemented. Also, the title threw me off. “About me” is so general and uninteresting. Even the “me” was not capitalized. Honestly, I was turned off to the story before I started reading it. Perhaps Everette could create a more specific and intriguing title. However, it is hard to do this when he has not narrowed down on a specific memory for his memoir. He told a brief auto-biography of his short life thus far, instead of focusing in on a particular striking memory in his past. The story in general is too broad. I think focusing either on his track career or how he felt when his mother left for Desert Storm would make for an interesting piece; these two huge events in his life should not be crammed together in one story. I think the Desert Storm topic could be a great starting point; he could still explain his actions and thought processes then and looking back now his reactions on how it might have affected him or does now.

"Lessons Learned From Lis"

Beth’s “Lessons Learned From Lis” really impressed me. Obviously, like I’ve said many times before, I loved the alphabetical listing of aspects in a non-fiction piece. Beth nailed this one because she used such personal things about her grandmother. I could sense who her grandmother was by the middle of the piece. I related so many aspects of her grandmother to mine, which helped me relate to the story. Beth did a great job of tying some topics of the alphabet back to others. My favorite two letters were the Elisabeth explanation and the Mother’s Intuition. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know how Beth got her name, as well as her mother and grandmother. After the first page, I felt like I had sat down to dinner with Beth’s family and had talked about these topics. I felt like this was a strange reaction until I realized that she had used such specific and important topics to discuss about her grandmother. The Mother’s Intuition section got to me. I think the main reason it may have affected me is because I love LOVE! This story was about Beth’s parents and it made me happy. Also, my mother knows when I date a boy and he is all wrong for me (even if I don’t talk about him) or like nowadays, when she knows I’m with the right guy for me and completely approves. I had no real issues with this piece. I was interested and it was well-written. I loved how one letter would be some funny characteristic about her grandmother, while the next could be something serious such as breast cancer. There were few, if any, grammatical errors that I could see. Sometimes tying these pieces together or ending them can be difficult; however, I loved Beth’s last letter. It definitely solidified Beth’s grandmother to me as a character and as a real person. It began with a very personal dialogue with her grandmother, and ended that way as well.