Brendan’s story is about an engineer named Roger whose life has been spent alone; however, from urging from his sister and friends, he decides to partner with a girl, Kristine, before he ends up alone for the rest of his life. He seems more interested in a fantasy life with his guy friends than meeting someone special. The change in Roger is when he decides to leave his hard exterior behind and take Kristine as his girlfriend. I like the emphasis on his career and mindset. His characterization was evident through dialogue and back story. I also enjoyed Kristine’s character, although I wish she was more active in the story. Besides the beginning, she always gets paired with Lyla and it is hard to separate the two. I would have liked to know more about his relationship with his sister, as well as a little more reaction from her about his new relationship. There were a few grammatical errors: wrong uses of words, some awkward word usage, and a few repetitive dialogue lines. I wish Roger would say “no problem” or “it’s no problem” much less than he does; this is an easy fix. The zombie survival idea is also not explained much, which I am interested in. Why do these characters feel the need to do this? Is Kristine genuinely interested or only attends because she’s interested in Roger? Building up the tension between Kristine and Roger would also be a nice affect. Also, there are only a few short lines on Roger’s family history, especially his parents’ ruined marriage. Perhaps more on this could further explain his outlook on relationships. I think this story has great potential.
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